The “Bad Boy” Myth
Some
of the opinions and hints underlying seduction have been repeated
so often that we almost reflexively believe them, even though
they may not truly be accurate.
This is the case with the “bad boy” myth, a position so
frequently held that many consider it “common knowledge”.
A closer examination of the “bad boy” myth, however, reveals
that it is far from true. A dissection of this often-repeated perspective
gives us some great insight on how the seduction of women really
operates.
You have undoubtedly heard it a thousand times:
women like the bad boys.
According to many, guys who tend to be self-centered jerks
have more success with women than the so-called “good boys.” The analysis holds that women are somehow attracted
to those who exude a sense of danger and who are traditionally
masculine in their personality and behavior.
These aggressive “alpha males,” so the story goes, are
far more likely to have success with women because their dispositions
are particularly appealing.
This
belief, however, suffers from a fundamental misunderstanding of
why these “bad boys” tend to have so much success with women.
It is not their loutish behavior or cavalier attitude women
find exciting and interesting.
In fact, these character traits are widely abhorred by
women. The “alpha male”
behavior held up as something to model by some would-be seduction
experts is not the reason for “bad boy” success. In fact, these men actually succeed in spite
of their behaviors and personality—not because of them.
The
reason the “bad boy” gets the girl so often is related to ancillary
behavior associated with their mindset.
Put simply, the so-called “bad boy” tends to be outgoing
and somewhat aggressive. These men are not afraid to approach women or
to make the first move. Their
self-assuredness leads them to take risks many other men would
not. “Bad boys” get the girls because they are more
likely to be the only men approaching them in the first place.
If
a woman had the opportunity to choose from the loutish brute and
the nice gentleman as both approached her, she would undoubtedly
choose the nice guy, not the jerk. There is nothing associated with the “bad boy”
mentality that women find uniquely attractive. They merely end up with these people because
other alternatives fail to present themselves.
If more of the “nice guys” were sufficiently outgoing to
approach women, the myth of the “bad boy” would be so laughable
that no one would embrace it.
What does this teach us about seduction?
It tells us that women are receptive to men who are willing
to approach them and to express an interest.
That is what has made so many otherwise reprehensible men
successful with the ladies—their willingness to risk rejection
and to “put themselves out there.”
By
modeling this particular aspect of “bad boy” behavior, other men
can have an equally successful time seducing attractive women.
Regular guys simply need to come to terms with their shyness
and lack of self-confidence. If
they do this, they will soon find themselves more successful with
women than even the baddest of the “bad boys.”
Those
who have believed the myth and have acted upon the recommendations
of others who accept it as the gospel truth of seduction are doing
themselves and women a great disservice.
By basically modeling the behavior of jerks, they may find
themselves experiencing an increased level of seduction success
over their former selves. However,
they are still performing at a level far inferior to what they
would be if they had simply focused their efforts on being more
comfortable approaching women and had not adopted the other negatives
of the “bad boy” angle.
If you have believed the “bad boy” story and have accepted it
as a launching pad for your seduction efforts, it is time to rethink
your strategy. It is perfectly okay to be a nice guy. In fact, women prefer a nicer man almost without
exception. You don’t need
to be a jerk to get the girls—you need only to be more extroverted
and willing to approach the women in whom you have a strong interest. Leo Durocher said that “nice guys finish last.”
He may have been right when it came to baseball, but he
was way off base when it comes to women. Those who have combined being decent human beings
with being willing to approach women can definitely vouch for
that.